When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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