Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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