he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
