i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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