i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
