i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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