Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
