The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
