I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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