Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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