hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
