I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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