She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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