Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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