Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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