im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
