I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
