She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
