So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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