I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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