the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
