it's like iHOP with fire
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
