Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
