i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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