ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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