my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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