A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
