Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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