my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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