If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
