Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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