how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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