I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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