ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
