Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i out mim tonsoeep
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
