are you so shy because you have an std?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
