i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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