I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
