Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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