he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
