my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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