lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
