Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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