Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
