make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
