i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
