It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
