p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
