I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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