Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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