Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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