Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
