If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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