You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
