I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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