I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize