What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
