from now on my penis is your penis
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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