I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
