i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
