It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
